Looks like we got ourselves an old fashioned barbarian standoff.
The Blinky and Sal timeline has been reset. Everything is back to normal now. Todd never killed himself. Sal is not in a vegetative state. Spatsby is out of jail. It has all been restored thanks to the valiant efforts of Bathtub Benny. Take my word for it.
[I always liked the “Windmills of Your Mind” song from The Thomas Crowne Affair (1968). This is my sloppy mockery of it and its kooky lyrics. The original song was written by Michel Legrand, Alan Bergman, and Marilyn Bergman.]
Like an alabaster hamster snorting a line of moldy bees
Like an esoteric cleric preaching on the chi of knees
Like a sturgeon good at math
Like a German in a bath.
There’s that creep who stands in lines
For the treadmills made of mines.
Like wombats taught to whisper
Or a walrus made to weep.
Oh, look I’ve got a blister.
Have you put the kids to sleep?
Like an anemic brontosaurus
Like a surface that is porous.
Like a fork with just one prong.
Do I look alright in this sarong?
Bears indifferent to plastic
Like a sound that makes you feel
There’s a painting of a lobster
Or a girl stroking an eel.
There’s a sensation that keeps on building
When the circus comes to town.
The Heads try to keep us spinning
But I’m still frightened of the Clown.
There’s a danger of one finding
The lungs of a local mime
Stuffed into a suitcase lining
Before its scented with a lime.
Perchance a purple feather-duster
Or a hasty snark just off the cuff
Will curtail a lion’s luster.
Why aren’t we sleeping in the buff?
Filling red balloons with mustard
Always worked just fine for me.
There’s a startling revelation
That I’ve never had to pee.
Like a wicker orca filled with peanuts riding on antique skis
Like that face you make just before you have to sneeze
Like a leopard who needs a slap
Like a ghost without a map.
A prepubescent hagfish redefines
All the treadmills made of mines.
And the treadmills run on time.
It’s been quite a hiatus, but we return just in time for mother’s day for a special campfire edition of joncast with one of our own mothers wherein we discuss group therapy nun slapping, that guy we killed, worst jobs, TV dating show interviews, yaks, talking sex robots, chocolate phallic confections, and a book review. EAT IT HERE
Tell Jimmy Carter to call in and tell us if you’re alive.
In this thrillingly girthy episode the Jons discuss juggling hobos, flossing, “The Planet of the Apes” franchise, illness in school, and medicinal sodomy in addition to mystery beverages and another exclusive book review. Also we talk about a dude from Tanzania who evidently likes his best Keys when they are Secret. Eat it HERE.
In this thrilling episode of Joncast we enjoy mystery foods and drinks. Also, we discuss gambling, school underfunding, Deep Roy, experience a riveting book review (complete with ISBN), Warhammer, Dave Coulier, Boylan’s soda, and the impromptu invention of the ultimate form of track race betting. EAT IT HERE.
The Jons get bamboozled, do another book review, rename some classic films, solve the panda bear breeding problem, reconsider the Philippines, start a clothing line, and then get distracted by the computer’s slideshow. Eat it HERE.
In this episode the Jons discuss literacy, fish jousting, favorite farm animals, bestiality, magic school bus, college admissions, the name of our band is revealed and we are joined by special guest Lucy “Xena Warrior Princess” Lawless. More exciting mystery foods and a thrilling book review! EAT IT HERE.
In this episode we got book reviews, mystery food, chopsticks, the origins of Easter, terrible food from the Philippines, idioms, and ads! Eat it HERE. Completely random and totally inane.