Why I Think That Dolphins Are Monstrously Overrated

In regards to my limited knowledge of poetry
I am led to believe all poems are about dolphins
And dolphins quite undoubtedly and predictably,
almost absolutely certainly
are obviously
and pretentiously, quite specifically
going to result in total boredom and even, perhaps, monotony.

From this it follows that dolphins are monstrously overrated.
It’s really not that complicated.
A more appalling thing could not make me more aggravated
Than the principle of which I’ve previously stated.

It’s a stimuli I’d rather not have unfurled.
Solemnly I maintain my agitation.
I’m surprised more people aren’t suffering more acerbation
From the grim realization, a most remarkable revelation,
Perhaps even astute observation
Of this silly stipulation
And all other connotation
Since the dawning of creation
Regarding this radical insinuation,
Without further elaboration,
At risk of exacerbation,
That no one’s made the variation to escape into broader imagination
Out of this concept’s relation…
To the real world.

In the words of my ancestors,
As they most likely said it,
“I hate dolphins,” there, you read it.
And now to the first person who led it
Onto the pages to permanently embed it
Into my mind and yours, good readers,
The idea of the dolphin, those lousy cheaters
I’d much rather be contemplating glue and eggbeaters.
Who they have dolphins as our world leaders
When good ol’ “Dubya” is more alert than the average of Wal-Mart greeters?
I’m sorry, it’s just that dolphins really try my meters.

To capitalize on prior arguments,
Well, you heard it all ladies, gents.
You be the judge of all these infuriating comments.
Are dolphins worthy of any overlarge monuments?
And I think the dolphins owe us a few compliments.

If you are truly American residents
You cannot deny this creature’s resonance
That’s become such a huge and unstoppable pain in pants.
“Stop the dolphin ” you’d proclaim without ignorance,
“This animal must be stopped ”

Well, I hope I’ve made my point, if not I’ll try again.
And if this doesn’t work, I swear it’s to the corner to count to ten.
Dolphins have, in the past, made me irritated.
For a while I thought it was gone, but it regenerated.
And if not now, in the near future I’d like them to be completely abated
From poems, and in fact, anything else even a little related
And then you fine people may truly be liberated,
This foe finally terminated, you may finally be compensated
For the years lost to this menace that’s been thoroughly underestimated,
For behold; this dilemma is not today outdated…
The dolphin is monstrously overrated.